Iowa Disaster
I've found some of the chat rooms to be fertile ground for meeting available women. Notice I said "available" and not "single". As you may recall, I'm interested in meeting women who are interested in having a relationship with a married man. They don't necessarily have to be single or divorced or widowed. The important thing is that they are open to the idea of dating a married man.
In May I connected with a woman in her 40's. We met through my blog, and proceeded to exchange emails on almost a daily basis for several weeks. She lives in Iowa about 4 hours from me. She is married, but indicated that she was in an "open" relationship and would be interested in meeting me. Our emails proceeded to get hotter and hotter, and we talked in great detail about how great it would be to get together. We soon started talking on the phone in addition to exchanging emails. Eventually, we made plans to meet at the first opportunity.
Iowa Disaster kept encouraging me by saying how attracted she was to me and how my being married was a real turn on for her. I won't say that she promised that we would have sex, but she gave me the strong impression that unless I had an eye in the middle of my forehead, we were going to get it on. We exchanged pictures. She was attractive in many ways. She wasn't overweight and had a nice set of boobs. It appeared that it was on.
We set the day and time via email. Our first "date" was going to be lunch. Now here's the downside. I had to drive 4 hours to get to the restaurant, have lunch, and then drive 4 hours back. My initial impulse was that this was a mistake. But she was all but promising me that this was going to start the relationship ball rolling. So, I decide to go. And to be fair, she offered to drive half way to meet me, so I'm thinking that she's just as willing to make the commitment as I am. But, being the gentleman, I told her I'd make the drive so she wouldn't have to.
During the drive I kept thinking about how I should handle the initial meeting. We had already discussed so much via email and on the phone, that this seemed more like a second, third or fourth date. Our emails had been real explicit, so I already had a good idea of where her sexual hot buttons were. Do I jump her bones the minute we get together, or do I play it cool?
We meet at the restaurant. She was a few minutes late, but she had warned me that she was habitually late. We hugged and then ordered lunch. I played it cool and kept the conversation focused on her life and interests. She talked about her job, family (no kids), husband, education, blog, etc. Turns out her husband had been busted on cocaine possession a couple of years ago and was bisexual bordering more on homosexual, which was a big red flag for me, but she said she only was telling me this so I'd understand why she wasn't interested in staying with him. Again, more red flags.
Still, I'm thinking that we're getting together for sex and not planning our wedding. Our conversation remained friendly and fun. I made no attempt to direct it toward sex or even bring up the subject of having sex some time.
Lunch ends after about an hour. She had to go to work. I walked her to her car. She stopped at the car as if she's expecting a hug, a kiss or both. I kiss her. Our lips meet, she doesn't pull away, but she doesn't kiss me back. It was like kissing a mannequin. WTF is this, I'm thinking. She thanks me again for lunch, gets in her car and drives off.
Now I'm faced with a four hour drive home. The whole way I'm wondering what was going on in her head. Was I too laid back? Should I have told her how sexy she was, and how I couldn't wait to get her in bed? Was I such a "nice guy" that she was left with the impression that I didn't like her or find her sexually attractive?
When I got home I sent her an email telling her how much I liked our lunch and how I was looking forward to our next meeting. The next morning I got an email saying that she also liked meeting me and having lunch, but she had to tell me that she had met someone else recently who she was really attracted to. That they were very similar and he was someone she could have a future with whereas I was married and couldn't offer that to her. WTF She didn't know this before our meeting? She never once mentioned this guy in our emails or telephone calls. Nor did she even hint at this during our lunch. I was pissed.
I wrote an email telling her how crappy it was that she'd have me drive all that way when she knew ahead of time that she had met someone else. Her response was that I was so slow in making a commitment (and she was right that I didn't jump at the first chance to meet her) that she met someone in the interim, and in the future I should not procrastinate because it gives off conflicting signals. Once again, this was never mentioned before or during our lunch.
Of course, I took her rejection personally. I felt that somehow I'd destroyed everything I'd established via email and the phone, given her the wrong signals, wasn't sexually aggressive enough, too cool, too much of a nice guy, overall just someone that she didn't find sexually attractive and decided to "let me down" by using the old "there's someone else" excuse.
That's my Iowa Disaster story. If you have any ideas about what happened here, please let me know.
In May I connected with a woman in her 40's. We met through my blog, and proceeded to exchange emails on almost a daily basis for several weeks. She lives in Iowa about 4 hours from me. She is married, but indicated that she was in an "open" relationship and would be interested in meeting me. Our emails proceeded to get hotter and hotter, and we talked in great detail about how great it would be to get together. We soon started talking on the phone in addition to exchanging emails. Eventually, we made plans to meet at the first opportunity.
Iowa Disaster kept encouraging me by saying how attracted she was to me and how my being married was a real turn on for her. I won't say that she promised that we would have sex, but she gave me the strong impression that unless I had an eye in the middle of my forehead, we were going to get it on. We exchanged pictures. She was attractive in many ways. She wasn't overweight and had a nice set of boobs. It appeared that it was on.
We set the day and time via email. Our first "date" was going to be lunch. Now here's the downside. I had to drive 4 hours to get to the restaurant, have lunch, and then drive 4 hours back. My initial impulse was that this was a mistake. But she was all but promising me that this was going to start the relationship ball rolling. So, I decide to go. And to be fair, she offered to drive half way to meet me, so I'm thinking that she's just as willing to make the commitment as I am. But, being the gentleman, I told her I'd make the drive so she wouldn't have to.
During the drive I kept thinking about how I should handle the initial meeting. We had already discussed so much via email and on the phone, that this seemed more like a second, third or fourth date. Our emails had been real explicit, so I already had a good idea of where her sexual hot buttons were. Do I jump her bones the minute we get together, or do I play it cool?
We meet at the restaurant. She was a few minutes late, but she had warned me that she was habitually late. We hugged and then ordered lunch. I played it cool and kept the conversation focused on her life and interests. She talked about her job, family (no kids), husband, education, blog, etc. Turns out her husband had been busted on cocaine possession a couple of years ago and was bisexual bordering more on homosexual, which was a big red flag for me, but she said she only was telling me this so I'd understand why she wasn't interested in staying with him. Again, more red flags.
Still, I'm thinking that we're getting together for sex and not planning our wedding. Our conversation remained friendly and fun. I made no attempt to direct it toward sex or even bring up the subject of having sex some time.
Lunch ends after about an hour. She had to go to work. I walked her to her car. She stopped at the car as if she's expecting a hug, a kiss or both. I kiss her. Our lips meet, she doesn't pull away, but she doesn't kiss me back. It was like kissing a mannequin. WTF is this, I'm thinking. She thanks me again for lunch, gets in her car and drives off.
Now I'm faced with a four hour drive home. The whole way I'm wondering what was going on in her head. Was I too laid back? Should I have told her how sexy she was, and how I couldn't wait to get her in bed? Was I such a "nice guy" that she was left with the impression that I didn't like her or find her sexually attractive?
When I got home I sent her an email telling her how much I liked our lunch and how I was looking forward to our next meeting. The next morning I got an email saying that she also liked meeting me and having lunch, but she had to tell me that she had met someone else recently who she was really attracted to. That they were very similar and he was someone she could have a future with whereas I was married and couldn't offer that to her. WTF She didn't know this before our meeting? She never once mentioned this guy in our emails or telephone calls. Nor did she even hint at this during our lunch. I was pissed.
I wrote an email telling her how crappy it was that she'd have me drive all that way when she knew ahead of time that she had met someone else. Her response was that I was so slow in making a commitment (and she was right that I didn't jump at the first chance to meet her) that she met someone in the interim, and in the future I should not procrastinate because it gives off conflicting signals. Once again, this was never mentioned before or during our lunch.
Of course, I took her rejection personally. I felt that somehow I'd destroyed everything I'd established via email and the phone, given her the wrong signals, wasn't sexually aggressive enough, too cool, too much of a nice guy, overall just someone that she didn't find sexually attractive and decided to "let me down" by using the old "there's someone else" excuse.
That's my Iowa Disaster story. If you have any ideas about what happened here, please let me know.
posted by Blueeyes at 4:52 PM
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