The Day After Yesterday

Withholding Tax Enrages Wife

2008-05-23T11:06:00.002-05:00

My wife and I both work. I also run a business, so we have a CPA prepare our personal and business tax returns. After figuring our joint return, my accountant said that we owed a balance of over $7500 because my wife's employer did not withhold enough federal tax from her paycheck. This same situation occurred last year. At that time I told her that she needed to have an additional $250 withheld from each paycheck.

"If I do that, I'll have less money to spend," she protested. And after that she either refused or forgot to submit the revised W-4 form. Now that the same thing occurred this year, I insisted that we correct the problem because it was forcing me into a position of paying all the taxes on my personal and business income plus kicking in another $7000 to make up for the shortfall on her income tax.

To be fair and to avoid the accusation that I was trying to "steal" money from her, I had our tax accountant fill in the W-4 form indicating the additional money that needed to be withheld from her paycheck. She needed to have $315 extra withheld from each paycheck.

On Monday, May 26 I left for a business trip. Since she had already left for work, I put a note on the W-4 form indicating that "Our accountant has filled in your W-4 form. You need to sign and submit it, if you agree."

That afternoon about 5 pm I got a call on my cell phone while I was at my client's location. As soon as I answered she launched into me, "I don't appreciate you leaving this here for me to sign, you mother fucker. I can't afford $315 extra from my paycheck. Why are you doing this? Are you trying to kick me while I'm down, you mother fucker......" On and on it went. She wouldn't let me get in a word. It was just a constant stream of profane insults until after 30 seconds or so she hung up. I called back, but she just repeated the barrage of insults and profane namecalling before hanging up again.

Get this....she expects me to apologize to her.

Debbie Green Bay

2005-10-30T09:35:00.000-06:00

I've been chatting with Debbie Green Bay on Yahoo IM for at least 3 months now. And we've spoken on the phone several times. She has a sweet soft voice and sounds rather timid and shy at first. But, in fact, she's very open and likes phone sex.

We've talked several times about getting together and she's implied that she would be open to spending the entire evening with me. I'm not sure if this means the entire evening until after dinner or the entire evening right up 'til breakfast. Obviously, you aren't going to come right out and say that you'll have sex with someone you've never met in person, but she has said on several occasions that when we get together we'll "have a good time." These comments were made after a session of phone sex, so it's not like I'm interpreting her words out of context.

The problem is that Green Bay is about 4 hours from me. After my experiences with Iowa Disaster, I'm really reluctant to make a long drive to hook up with someone I've only spoken to online and over the phone. And to make things worse, Debbie Green Bay hasn't come up with a picture except for one that is rather grainy and looks like it might have been taken 15 years ago. She says she doesn't have a current picture. I've sent her a current pic of me, however.

So, here's the problem. We've connected mentally just fine. I like her and feel really comfortable talking with her on the phone. Whether or not we would hit it off is not my concern. My concern is her physical condition.

She had gall bladder surgery this summer and took several weeks off of work to recuperate. Doctors describe typical gall bladder patients as the 3 F's...fifty, fat and farting. I know she's in her early 50's, but I'm not certain about the other two F's.

My inclination is to avoid relationships with women that are long distance affairs. Long distances can be good in some ways in that if things don't work out, they aren't going to be coming around all the time. But from a logistical side, if things work out how many trips are you willing or able to make to see them?

As it stands right now, my first visit would have to be during the second week in November. Otherwise, we're looking at Jan or Feb. Driving to Green Bay in the winter is something to avoid. Been there, done that.

My plan is to insist on a current picture. No picture, no 4 hour drive to see her. That sounds fair, doesn't it?

More Fun at the Grocery Store

2005-10-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

I stopped by for a Starbucks coffee at the local grocery store. Linda was there this time, so I stopped by the front desk to say hello and assess my chances of getting another date with her. I haven't seen her for about 4 weeks now, so perhaps she'd taken the time to think things through. That was wishful thinking on my part, but one never knows.

She explained that she had been on vacation with her husband in Branson, MO and had spent last weekend visiting her son at ISU. Her conversation was friendly and her mood light. She talked and acted like a typical married woman. What I can't figure out is why she agreed to meet me for a drink in the first place. Was she thinking that she was just meeting a new-found friend for drinks? The fact that she wanted to meet me while her hubby was out of town gives me the impression that it was more than just a meeting between friends. Perhaps she was giving me a test to see if she was interested in taking things further, but I flunked the test. Or she had a change of heart after being confronted with the reality that taking things further meant we would eventually end up naked. I wanted to explore these things with her, but that's hard to do when you're talking to someone in their workplace.

I'm not certain if Linda likes the idea of me being persistent in my pursuit of her. Actually, I haven't been that persistent. I'm not calling her on the phone every day. The only number I have is her work number. I don't have her email. I stop by to see her when I'm in the store and half of the time she's not around when I stop in.

Here's my plan. Next time I see her I'm going to turn the tables on her a bit and say with a smile, "OK, Linda, I've reconsidered your offer and I'll meet you again for a drink, but only under one condition; that you keep your hands to yourself....and no kissing." (Recall, she's the one who didn't want me to touch her or give me a kiss) I don't give this a high probability for success, but she's worth one more shot. If she says no, then that's it. I'm cutting my losses and moving on to Miss Next.

Grocery Store and More

2005-10-19T08:02:00.000-05:00

A nearby grocery store has a Starbucks inside. I stop about once or twice a week to get a caffeine jolt and pick up a few snacks for the office frig. I chatted on several occasions with Linda, one of the checkout clerks. She's in her 40's, about 5'6" with an average build. She has brown eyes and brown hair with highlights. Overall, she's pretty cute. We exchanged a few pleasantries as I paid for my groceries, but it's difficult to have a meaningful conversation when you've got a line of people behind you who just want to pay for their stuff and get on their way.

One day I caught her at the front desk. We talked a little more about nothing in particular; fluff talk, really. But things seemed to be going pretty well, so I asked her if she'd like to get together for a drink in a day or two. Without hesitation she smiled and said, "OK, that would be nice."

I suggested that we stop at a local Mexican restaurant/bar that is right on her way home. I had found out earlier that she lives about 20 minutes from the store in the same town I live in. I suggested that we meet next week on Thursday. She asked that I call Monday to confirm our date that Thursday. But when I called she said, "Thursday is bad for me because my husband is going out of town and I have to do laundry and help him pack." So, I'm thinking she's telling me this because 1) she wants me to know she's married and 2) she has had second thoughts and is going to use that as an excuse to back out. But, no, she goes on to say that a week from Thursday would be best because her husband will be gone. Without further comment I set it up.

Now I'm thinking that for once I've met a woman who is on the same wavelength as I am. She's married, but isn't so uptight about it that she's afraid to explore other possibilities.

A week goes by and I call her on Tuesday (as she requested) to make sure everything is still a go for Thursday. Half expecting her to back out, she said she was looking forward to it.

Thursday rolls around and I arrive at the appointed time (3:30). She showed up a few minutes later. Before she sat down at the bar, however, she said, "Now, I don't want to give you the wrong idea. This isn't a date. I want to pay for my own drink. I should have told you this when I spoke with you on the phone."

"OK, I said, "This isn't a date." But in my mind I'm thinking WTF.

We sat down and had a pleasant conversation over the first drink. I learned about her 21 yr old son, and I told her a bit about my kids and a few things about my job. I'm really enjoying the conversation, and it seemed to me that she enjoyed it, too.

Now here's where things went a bit differently than I expected. Since it had been a long, long time since I had been on a date, I'd been reading about some of the "new rules of the dating game." The concensus was that you should make your interest in her clear from the outset; in a nice way, of course. If you act too laid back and treat her like you're having a drink with a friend or co-worker, she's likely to put you in the frame of a non-sexual friend, which is a real big no-no if you want to score with her. At least this seems to be the universal advice among those who profess to have incredible luck with women. And thinking back to my experience with Iowa Disaster, where I was completely non-sexual with her during our lunch, I didn't want to repeat that scenario.

I complimented her (and they were sincere compliments) on her hair and how much fun she was to talk with. And I meant it. Then I lightly touched her arm and back. A few minutes later I touched her hair and complimented her on the style. This is supposed to be an excellent way to show your interest in her; initiating kino as they call it. We continued to chat, and I touched her back again and she said, "Please don't touch me." Hey, WTF. You may have the impression that I had my hands all over her, but that wasn't the case at all. I wasn't pawing her like a salivating dog. These were just light touches to give a little emphasis to my compliments and general conversation.

I tried to make light of it. I said with a smile, "Sorry, but you didn't make the "no touching" rule clear to me ahead of time." She smiled.

She didn't seem upset or mad. We continued to talk and she seemed to be having a good time. I asked her if she would like another drink and she said yes. So I figured if she wanted to leave she could have done so at that time. Maybe things weren't going so bad after all. I decided to push on.

I leaned in a little closer and said, "How good of a kisser are you on a scale of 1 to 10?"

She didn't look startled or surprised, but she said right away, "I'm not going to kiss you."

"I didn't say I wanted you to kiss me, I asked you how good of a kisser are you," I replied.

"You'll have to ask my husband that question," she said. matter of factly.

So, now I'm pretty much convinced that she's not going to respond to me. She didn't seem upset or startled or anything like that. She didn't seem anxious to leave. But, at the same time, she's not moving in closer to me, or giving any other positive body language clues.

We finished our drinks and agreed that it was time to head for home. I told her I'd walk her to her car, and she had no problem with that. When we got to her car I figured I might as well go for broke, so I leaned in closer and asked her softly, "Do you want to kiss me?" She didn't say anything, but then all of a sudden she gives me this quick little, teeny peck on the lips and then slides into her car seat. Again, what's going on here?

I thought of calling her the next day (Friday), but taking the advice of the "professionals" I elected to wait until Monday. (I only had her work number) She was friendly on the phone, said she had a good time with me, but she didn't want to get together again. She told me that she loved her husband, and didn't want anything to interfer with that.

So, now I'm thinking again WTF. If she felt that way, why did she agree to have a drink with me in the first place. Then I thought, is it possible that I blew it because I pushed too hard. Or was it all about getting her ego boosted, and she never had any intention of it going beyond the first "date" right from the get-go?

The fact that she started out by making it clear that this was not a date makes me think that she said yes initially because she was feeling adventuresome, and then as the time drew near she had second thoughts, but didn't want to back out. Or is she just playing hard to get, and doesn't want to give the impression that she's easy? Or maybe she's applying the anti-slut smoke screen. Is she testing me to see how effective or persistent I'll be in breaking down her defenses? Or is she simply not interested in taking it further? Did I blow it by applying too much sexual pressure too soon?

I've always had trouble reading the signals that women send out. On the one hand my inclination is to take it slow and easy in order to let the relationship progress natually toward sex. But if you act like a nice, polite guy who gives absolutely no expression to your sex drive, she's left with the impression that you see her more as a friend. If you push her, however, she can easily get the impression that you only see her as a sex object. In either case, you run the risk of not getting a second chance.

In comparing my experiences with Iowa Disaster and Starbucks Linda, I felt better with my approach with Linda. I made my intentions clear in a very complimentary, flattering way. Linda knows I find her sexually attractive and would be interested in seeing her again. If she can't handle that because she's married, then that's something I can't control. Maybe she wanted to move slower. Or maybe she just simply sized me up as someone that's not her type. She may want to hook up for a sexual relationship with someone, but just not with me. Maybe I did a terrible job on my first interview. These are things I don't know, and will probably never know.

I still get my Starbucks coffee, and I make it a point to talk with Linda if she's working that day. She is very friendly and nice, but she doesn't want to go out again. I'd like to think that she has guilt feelings about meeting a guy while her husband is out of town. Or perhaps she figures she has too much to lose if he finds out. I noticed during our "date" that she was a little surprised to learn we both live in the same town. Maybe that sealed my doom.

In any event, I've learned to never take these things personally. This isn't about me, it's about her. (It's always about her, isn't it?) Still, I wonder if I could have done something different to up the odds for a second date. Hindsight is 20/20, but maybe this was a lost cause right from the start.

What's your take on this?

Cybersex Extravaganza

2005-10-17T19:28:00.000-05:00

I met Quebec Lynn in a chat room a few days ago. Just one of those chance encounters that evolves into something better than you ever imagined it could be. Turns out we both have very similar relationship histories. We both married at a young age (20), have been married to the same person for over 30 years, have adult children not living at home, and are basically bored with the routine. Neither of us wants to leave our respective marriages, but we long for some sexual adventure.

Our relationship built slowly. QL mentioned that she was cautious because so many wierdos hang out in the chatrooms. I liked her from the start, and I think she felt the same way about me.

Today we chatted for close to two hours. We talked about the possibility of hooking up some day soon, but the logistics of having a meaningful physical relationship with someone in Canada is a little daunting. Even if the sex was fantastic, the trips back and forth would soon break the bank. Although Lynn says she is all for getting together, I think she knows that it's not a very likely scenario, and that's what enpowers her to divulge her deepest sexual fantasties.

Our chat got pretty steamy, and the sexual pot boiled over when we started discussing our sexual experiences in our marriages. Since both of us married so young, and have been faithful to our spouses, the list of experiences was fairly short. She likes to have sex in places other than the bedroom and has had sex outdoors and in a few public places. But she admits that was in her younger days. Now the sex is rather "predictable". "Married people sex" as I like to call it.

We discussed oral sex, which is a real turn on for her. That started a little role play exchange of sucking and licking her pussy. She loved it and so did I. Cybersex isn't anything close to the real thing, and it can be a bit boring, but when done with the right person it can be a real turn on. I've tried it with some women who can only respond with "hmmmm", and "ohhhh", and "yessss". Lynn is much more creative and really contributes to the whole experience.

The cybersex went so well, I think she's ready for phone sex. I find phone sex more exciting than cybersex. It's more personal. Both fall far short of the real thing, of course, but as a distant second, it makes for some good adult fun.

Department Store and More

2005-10-15T16:34:00.000-05:00

Stopped in Kohls this morning to buy some shirts.

I had met Nancy on a previous visit when she tried to sell me a Kohls credit card. I wasn't interested in getting another credit card, but I was immediately interested in her. She has raven black hair with brown eyes and a nice figure; big boobs for her frame with a nice ass. I'd say Nancy is in her 40's. A bit younger than me, but most people mistake me for someone in the 40 age bracket so we aren't an age mismatch. I immediately went into pickup mode.

After some fluff talk about the benefits/detriments of another credit card, I told her I was in a hurry to meet someone, but I'd like to continue our conversation later. "What's the best way to contact you? By email or phone?" I asked. "Maybe we can get together for a drink or coffee after work."

"Sorry, I'm married," was the immediate reply. "But thanks anyway." With that she turned away and proceeded to approach another customer about the credit card thing. I figured I'd been shot down immediately after takeoff.

A few weeks later I was in the store again. She was busy pushing the Kohls credit card again. This time she recognized me and instead of trying to get me to sign up for a credit card she proceeded to talk non-stop about her life. She's married with a 13 yr old son who plays hockey and baseball. She and her husband are doing everything they can to provide for his every need. She'd like to go back to school, but can't afford it right now. Maybe after her son finishes college. All the while I'm wondering why she's telling me all of this if she isn't interested in meeting me for a drink. So, I interpreted her detailed conversation as a positive sign that maybe she'd reconsidered my offer, and is trying to make a connection. I extend the invitation again. "Say, this is really interesting. But it's hard to talk in the middle of the store while you're working. Why don't we get together after you finish work. If not today, some day next week."

She hesitated. We maintained eye contact. I can tell the wheels are turning. "I'm married right now. I can't. I really don't know what I'm doing." And with that she does a 180 and starts walking down the aisle.

I've seen her a few other times after that encounter, but I've cooled off on her. The 13 yr old is the reason. I don't want to go there. I'm not detered if a woman has a husband or a boyfriend. But I immediately pull up when I learn she has a child living at home. Adult children are ok with me, but not a minor. Too bad, too, because she was hot. And it was pretty obvious that her relationship with her husband wasn't on the best of terms.

I saw her again this morning. We chatted briefly, but I didn't suggest getting together. She's flattered by my attention, but I know when it's best to play it cool.

Iowa Disaster

2005-10-14T16:52:00.000-05:00

I've found some of the chat rooms to be fertile ground for meeting available women. Notice I said "available" and not "single". As you may recall, I'm interested in meeting women who are interested in having a relationship with a married man. They don't necessarily have to be single or divorced or widowed. The important thing is that they are open to the idea of dating a married man.

In May I connected with a woman in her 40's. We met through my blog, and proceeded to exchange emails on almost a daily basis for several weeks. She lives in Iowa about 4 hours from me. She is married, but indicated that she was in an "open" relationship and would be interested in meeting me. Our emails proceeded to get hotter and hotter, and we talked in great detail about how great it would be to get together. We soon started talking on the phone in addition to exchanging emails. Eventually, we made plans to meet at the first opportunity.

Iowa Disaster kept encouraging me by saying how attracted she was to me and how my being married was a real turn on for her. I won't say that she promised that we would have sex, but she gave me the strong impression that unless I had an eye in the middle of my forehead, we were going to get it on. We exchanged pictures. She was attractive in many ways. She wasn't overweight and had a nice set of boobs. It appeared that it was on.

We set the day and time via email. Our first "date" was going to be lunch. Now here's the downside. I had to drive 4 hours to get to the restaurant, have lunch, and then drive 4 hours back. My initial impulse was that this was a mistake. But she was all but promising me that this was going to start the relationship ball rolling. So, I decide to go. And to be fair, she offered to drive half way to meet me, so I'm thinking that she's just as willing to make the commitment as I am. But, being the gentleman, I told her I'd make the drive so she wouldn't have to.

During the drive I kept thinking about how I should handle the initial meeting. We had already discussed so much via email and on the phone, that this seemed more like a second, third or fourth date. Our emails had been real explicit, so I already had a good idea of where her sexual hot buttons were. Do I jump her bones the minute we get together, or do I play it cool?

We meet at the restaurant. She was a few minutes late, but she had warned me that she was habitually late. We hugged and then ordered lunch. I played it cool and kept the conversation focused on her life and interests. She talked about her job, family (no kids), husband, education, blog, etc. Turns out her husband had been busted on cocaine possession a couple of years ago and was bisexual bordering more on homosexual, which was a big red flag for me, but she said she only was telling me this so I'd understand why she wasn't interested in staying with him. Again, more red flags.

Still, I'm thinking that we're getting together for sex and not planning our wedding. Our conversation remained friendly and fun. I made no attempt to direct it toward sex or even bring up the subject of having sex some time.

Lunch ends after about an hour. She had to go to work. I walked her to her car. She stopped at the car as if she's expecting a hug, a kiss or both. I kiss her. Our lips meet, she doesn't pull away, but she doesn't kiss me back. It was like kissing a mannequin. WTF is this, I'm thinking. She thanks me again for lunch, gets in her car and drives off.

Now I'm faced with a four hour drive home. The whole way I'm wondering what was going on in her head. Was I too laid back? Should I have told her how sexy she was, and how I couldn't wait to get her in bed? Was I such a "nice guy" that she was left with the impression that I didn't like her or find her sexually attractive?

When I got home I sent her an email telling her how much I liked our lunch and how I was looking forward to our next meeting. The next morning I got an email saying that she also liked meeting me and having lunch, but she had to tell me that she had met someone else recently who she was really attracted to. That they were very similar and he was someone she could have a future with whereas I was married and couldn't offer that to her. WTF She didn't know this before our meeting? She never once mentioned this guy in our emails or telephone calls. Nor did she even hint at this during our lunch. I was pissed.

I wrote an email telling her how crappy it was that she'd have me drive all that way when she knew ahead of time that she had met someone else. Her response was that I was so slow in making a commitment (and she was right that I didn't jump at the first chance to meet her) that she met someone in the interim, and in the future I should not procrastinate because it gives off conflicting signals. Once again, this was never mentioned before or during our lunch.

Of course, I took her rejection personally. I felt that somehow I'd destroyed everything I'd established via email and the phone, given her the wrong signals, wasn't sexually aggressive enough, too cool, too much of a nice guy, overall just someone that she didn't find sexually attractive and decided to "let me down" by using the old "there's someone else" excuse.

That's my Iowa Disaster story. If you have any ideas about what happened here, please let me know.

Back Again

2005-10-14T16:50:00.000-05:00

After taking a few weeks off because of a heavy business schedule, I'm starting up again. For those of you who have been following my blog, I apologize for my long absence. I hope I haven't lost too many of you.

One good thing about taking a prolonged break...I've accumulated enough material for several posts.

So, let's get started...once again.

Meeting Women in Public Places

2005-06-03T07:24:00.000-05:00

I've read a couple of books on picking up women. I've also checked out a few of the speed seduction websites. Both claim that you can meet hot, sexy, women in public places. And that you can seduce them, if you use the right techniques.

I agree that hot women abound in public places. Just go to the mall, library, grocery store, or even WalMart and check it out. Countless numbers of attractive, hot, sexy women pass by. Finding sexy women is not a problem, but making a connection with them is.

I've tried approaching women in public places using some of the techniques advocated in the pickup and speed seduction books and websites. I've had some limited success in striking up a conversation, but I've failed miserably in making a connection that lead to a sexual encounter. The reasons for this are obvious.

First of all, women are very cautious by nature, especially when it comes to conversing with strange men. For all they know you are some sort of predator or the next Ted Bundy. I live near a big city, so the women here tend to be especially cautious, and I don't blame them for that. I'm cautious around strangers myself.

I've found that women are also a bit taken aback when you speak to them. For one they have their minds focused on shopping or whatever, and don't expect the goodlooking guy in the checkout lane at the grocery store to hit on them.

The other obstacle that I've mentioned in previous posts is that I'm married and most of the women in my area are also married, so the odds of finding a woman who has an interest similar to mine is a bit remote. I've noticed that when I speak to married women they instinctively mention their husband at some time early in the conversation. It seems almost like a subconcious defensive reaction to my approach.

Most of the single women are younger than me, so right away they size me up as an older married man (which I am) and the conversation tends to end rather quickly because of their lack of interest. It's amazing how women can tell if you are married or not. It's like a sixth sense.

On the positive side, women are very flattered when you pay them a compliment or make them smile with a clever remark. They like the attention, but I find that they know exactly how to end the conversation when it starts to lead toward meeting for a drink "to get better acquainted". I've tried to come up with a smooth way to transition from the "Hi, how are you? I really like your jacket" introductory phase, to the "I've enjoyed talking with you. You seem very nice. Maybe we can meet for coffee some time." My invitation is invariably met with the, "Thanks, but I'm married (engaged, have a boyfriend, etc) excuse. They are flattered that I asked, but I can't seem to get to the next step of getting their telephone number.

At first I took the rejection personally, but now I know that this is just a game that has a very low probability of success, especially for a middle age married guy. I figure that only about 4 women in 10,000 will be interested in my offer. Those are pretty low odds.

It's possible to up the odds for success if you go to a bar to meet and pickup women, but this is almost impossible for a married guy to pull off. The typical approach includes making eye contact and then following up with clever, sexy conversation, and lots of touching (keno). It also involves pouring as many drinks down them as possible. But getting women drunk in order to have sex with them isn't my style. And, like I say, it's an impractical approach for someone like me who is home nearly every night except for the occasional business trip.

My experiences, of course, are based on those of a middle age married guy and don't reflect those of a single bachelor. Most of the seduction and pickup guides are slanted toward singles, and I have no doubt that a good looking guy could apply the strategies very effectively. I've found, however, that the traditional dating rules simply don't apply to me.

Meeting women in public places is difficult, if not impossible, for the typical married guy.

Office Romance

2005-05-10T16:28:00.000-05:00

Meeting someone through work or mutual friends is the easiest way to start an affair. It has one big advantage in that it offers a sense of safety and security for the woman. She knows who you are, and therefore, she feels safe in the sense that she isn’t having sex with some stranger she met in a singles bar.

But in many ways this is a false sense of security because it increases the chances that your little affair will become public knowledge to the whole office or your circle of friends. And if that happens, it’s only a matter of time before someone spills the beans to your spouse. If you have any hopes of keeping your marriage in tact, don’t have an affair with a co-worker or mutual acquaintance.

Witness the case of Clara Harris, a Houston dentist, who was tried and convicted of killing her husband, David Harris, an orthodontist, by running over him with her Mercedes….three times. Seems he was drilling and filling his receptionist until one of the office workers tipped off his wife. Your spouse may not run you down with the family station wagon, but the consequences may be just as bad. My advice is to avoid dipping your pen in the company ink well.

So, if it’s risky business to fool around at work, what are the alternatives?

The only way to connect with someone that offers some sense of confidentiality is to search outside your immediate circle of friends and co-workers. This means meeting someone in a public place, through online chat and dating services, or through personal ads on websites or in magazines. But, of course, this approach has several drawbacks, too. For one, women (and men, too) tend to be cautious about meeting strangers, so it will take time to establish trust and credibility before the relationship has any chance of moving forward.

Hooking Up with Friends and Co-workers

2005-05-09T17:04:00.000-05:00

The odds are against a married man meeting a married woman who is interested in a purely sexual relationship. If my assumptions are correct, only 4 women in 10,000 meet my criteria for an attractive sex partner. And the odds are essentially the same for you.

The good news is that I don’t need a bevy of beauties. I’m not trying to start a harem. I’m not looking to have sex with a different girl every night. I’m seeking that special someone who is interested in having a mutually satisfying sexual relationship outside of our respective marriages. And if you are married like me, I’m assuming you are looking for the same type of arrangement. Fortunately, there are some things that you can do to up the odds more in your favor.

Despite the poor odds for success, you still hear about married men scoring with married (and unmarried) women. The love triangle still gets lots of press, and the divorce courts spill over with men who have been unfaithful to their wives (and visa versa). How are these people hooking up with one another?

At work: Over 60% of extramarital affairs begin on the job. This makes sense because people spend more time with co-workers than they do with family. Also, you see your co-workers under the most favorable circumstances. Everyone looks their best, acts professionally, and the everyday family problems are checked at the office door. And if a family problem exists, it’s not hard to find a sympathetic ear at the office. The work place is an ideal environment for a professional relationship to blossom into a full-blown office romance.

Through Friends: The second most common way people meet is through friends. This holds true for the Never-Marrieds, where friends and family members hook them up with eligible mates. In a slightly different way, this is also true with married folks. You might meet a woman at a party, or a neighborhood gathering. You start out as friends, and then later discover a certain attraction or chemistry between you. If not kept in check, this can lead to an affair.

It makes sense that meeting someone at work or through friends is the easiest, fastest way to find a sex partner. However, I would advise against this if you want to keep your marriage in tact. The reason is simple. It will be impossible to keep your affair secret from friends and co-workers. Despite your best efforts, your office romance will be common knowledge in a matter of a few days. And then it ‘s just a matter of time before word gets back to the spouse that something extracurricular is going on.

So, if you want your marriage to stay alive and well, you must be discreet. As they say in the mob, the only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead. If your “secret” gets revealed to friends and co-workers, you’ll wish you were.

What are the Odds of Meeting the Right Woman?

2005-05-06T15:06:00.000-05:00

Calculating the liklihood of meeting and seducing an attractive
woman isn't sexy. But spending the time to calculate your odds for success will help you develop and maintain realistic expectations. Exactly how many women match your description of the ideal sex partner? I was curious about that, and used recent population figures to find out.

I live in the Chicago area. Recent census figures for a four
county area including Cook county (Chicago), indicate that the
population is 6,789,537. Of that, 51% are female, or 3,462,664.
Breaking that down by age bracket we have the following:

Age 15 to 44: 1,499,333 (43.3%)

Age 45 to 64: 813,726 (23.5%)

Over age 65: 412,057 (11.9%)

Let's assume that I'm interested in meeting a married woman in
the 40 to 60 age bracket. Approximately 25% of women are in
this age group, and of those about 53.7% are married. Let's
further assume that 75% of those married women have grown
children who are not living at home. If you do the math, this
represents 348,646 women...a fair sized number.

Now let's assume that I would find 2 in 10 of those women
physically attractive. That's a fair estimate. Have you paid
attention to the people you see in public? It's not too
difficult to eliminate many of them as potential sex partners
on looks alone. I'm not saying that physical appearance is the
most important characteristic because it's not, but it is a
factor. In any event, we are down to 69,729 women.

Now let's assume that of those, only 2 in 10 would find me
physically and sexually attractive. We now have 13,945 women.
Of those remaining, lets say that only 1 in 10 of married women
would consider having an affair with a married man. We are now
down to 1,394 women. That's still a sizable number, but it's
only 0.04% of the original population. That means that for
every 10,000 women I meet, only 4 would be interested in having a physical relationship with me.

This brings to mind the paning for gold analogy. You've got to
move tons of sand and gravel to find a few nuggets of gold.
Unless you are extremely lucky, the big nuggets aren't lying in
the river bed in plain sight. It takes some work and a lot of
luck to strike it rich. Failure is expected, but success is
sweet when you hit pay dirt.

The Numbers Game

2005-05-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

Finding and seducing the woman of your dreams is a numbers game. With some skill and a lot of luck, you can find just the right woman to fulfill your fantasies. But it generally takes lots of time and money to be successful at the game of seduction. Your patience and determination will pay off, however. Afterall, nothing worth having comes without a big investment of time and money.

First you must define the type of woman you are interested in meeting. List the attributes you find appealing. Your description should include age, weight, education, employment, location, marital status, religion, race, physical features, and personal habits such as smoking and drinking preferences. Write a description of the person to help solidify the image in your mind.

As for me, I'm interested in finding a married woman who is in my age bracket (40 to 60 years old). She should be physically fit and have a fun-loving outlook. Drinking is ok in moderation, and I prefer a non-smoker. I'm not into religion, so I can't see me hitting it off with an evangelist, but I would really enjoy meeting a woman who is interested in philosphy and art. Race isn't an issue unless it is for her.

Once you have a clear picture of the woman you'd like to meet in your mind, you can begin the search. Thousands of women in your area meet your criteria, but finding that special someone is a time-consuming and often expensive process. However, every woman you meet is a potential candidate. Your task is to sort them into various catagories, eliminating them one by one until you have developed a short list of hot prospects.

I like to begin the sorting process by determining their marital status. The following percentages indicate the liklihood that the woman you meet will fall into one of the following groups within the age bracket of 15 to 64 years old.

Group / Percentage of Women

Never Married / 29.6%
Married / 53.7%
Divorced / 11.3%
Separated / 2.8%
Widowed / 2.6%

You may further sub-divide this list. For the Never Married group (single), I like to find out if they have a boyfriend or are engaged. For married women, determine if they have children or not, and if the children are living at home. Women in the Divorced and Separated group may also have children, and their husband may still play an active role in their lives. This is good to know for future reference.

These groups also roughly follow an age profile. Never Marrieds are normally in the 20-something age bracket. Married women with children at home are usually in their 30's. Divorce and Separation follows later in life, say in the 40's and early 50's. Widows are typically over 55. These are just rough approximations, but if you are a good judge of age, you can get surprisingly accurate at predicting the marital status of the women you meet before you actually talk to them.

Statistics aren't very sexy, but these numbers help predict the odds for your success in meeting your ideal partner. In my case, I'm interested in meeting a married woman with no children at home. Clearly, one-half of the women I meet will be married. I'm guessing that of those, one-half will have older children who are in college or living on their own. So, the odds are that about 1 out of every 4 women (25%) will fit my initial criteria.

For those of you who may be interested, the percentages for men in the 15 to 64 age group are: Never Married 36.4%, Married 52.7%, Divorced 8.4%, Separated 1.8%, Widowed 0.7%.

Let's Get Started

2005-04-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

My Dear Readers,

After browsing through several blogs, I've decided to try one of my own. I will attempt to entertain you with the mundane experiences that constitute my daily life. But I will tell you ahead of time, my intention is to use this blog as my personal journal, and not for your entertainment. So, any enjoyment that you get from reading my entries will be purely unintentional on my part.

Although I'm not going to try to focus on a particular topic or subject matter, my primary topics will center around male/female relationships including dating, marriage, sex, seduction and divorce. I'm not an expert in any of these subjects. I'm just going on 54 years of experience. And if that's not a scary thought, I don't know what is.

So, with that in mind, let's get started.

Oh, one more thing, I welcome your comments. If you think I'm way off base, or need a slap in the face, let me know. I also enjoy your support and compliments, of course.