Meeting That Special Someone

I didn't have a steady girlfriend in high school. I wasn't socially inept, but didn't excel in sports and tended toward the nerdy, scholastic type.  I must not have been too much of a social dufus, however, as I was elected Student Council representative and ran for President all four years. But a chick magnet I was not.

During my second year in college one of the guys in my rooming house told me that they were hiring students to work in food service at the women's resident hall nearby. The hours were flexible, I would make a couple of bucks each week, plus (as an added bonus) have the opportunity to check out the girls as they moved through the cafeteria serving line. So, I signed up.

Toward the end of the school year, I met M.  We went out several times and seemed to have lots in common. I had a car and offered to drive her home for summer break even though it was out of my way. I really didn't think our relationship would survive the summer, but much to my surprise and delight, after many phone calls, we picked up again right where we left off. This was the Fall semester of my Junior year. Things were looking good and I began to think she might be the "one."

We talked about the future. We talked about finding a small apartment to share, which would be cheaper than each of us living in student dorms or resident halls. The more we planned our future, the more I started thinking about asking her to marry me. It seemed like the next logical step. Why not?

I was 20 years old at the time. At 20, I was essentially a teenager, but I felt as if I had all the wisdom in the world. Some of my friends were married and M's sister had just gotten married a few months prior. I had no reservations or fears about getting married. It seemed like the logical thing to do. We had a simple ceremony that January to tie the knot.

Now, looking back, I wonder, "what in the hell was I thinking?" Why would anyone who had such limited experience dating women want to get married at such a young age? Why didn't I date other girls? Why not graduate first, get established in a career, and then, if the feelings were still there, get married? What was the rush? 

I don't have answers to those questions. If I had broken off our relationship so that I could date others, how could I be assured that I would meet someone "better." Would I kick myself for letting M slip through my fingers. How we decide to decide remains a mystery for me. How do we know that we have enough information to make such a life altering decision such as choosing a spouse. But, after less than 6 months, I felt ready to tie the knot.

Knowing what I know now, my advice to myself would have been to date for at least a year, if not longer. Don't move in together even if it means saving money. Take whatever time is necessary to really know that person, warts and all. Likewise, dating for an extended time affords the other person a chance to get to know you, warts and all.

Did I make the right decision? The answer resides in the posts that follow.