What Should I Be Doing?

Another heavy question is, What should I be doing?  What is the purpose of our existence and am I fulfilling that purpose?

I have pondered this question many, many times. Early on, I was focused on what to study in college and what career to pursue. I'm a scientist, so my thoughts flowed toward engineering, math, medicine, chemistry, biology. Then I started digging deeper in hopes of understanding from where these ideas were originating. Why was I interested in science when others said that they hated science? And is science a worthwhile pursuit? 

Where do our thoughts originate?  If you sit in a quiet space and try to suppress the self-talk that goes on constantly in your head; to have no thoughts, you soon discover that thoughts and ideas are continuously forming in your mind. We don't have the sense that we are purposely forming these thoughts, they just appear out of no where. Why did I just think about chocolate cake, or my left front tire, or my old shoes? When I try to stop the flow of thoughts, I discover that it is immensely difficult to do so. Sometimes I say to myself, "Stop it. No thoughts," but the thoughts keep coming. 

Thoughts are one thing, but the actions we take as a result of these thoughts is interesting to ponder, too. Why am I going to the gym to sign up for a workout program? I've thought about it several times, but why am I taking action now. Why today? Why not yesterday or last year? How did I decide to decide? Why am I going to work? Maybe my time would be better spent staying home and search for a better job. 

This all flows toward the concept of free will. If thoughts spontaneously stream into our consciousness. And if I'm not the author of these thoughts, then it seems logical that I don't have as much free will as I think. 

Further, if I can't determine how I decide to decide to take action in response to my thoughts, then perhaps I'm not totally responsible for my actions. If this be true, then society can't hold people responsible for the crimes they commit. But that puts the whole court system is jeopardy because, other than in the case of extreme mental illness, our society holds adults accountable for their actions. 

It is my view that the mind creates the illusion of free will. Thoughts continuously flow from our subconscious into our consciousness, but we are not the author of these thoughts in the sense that we purposely create them. Likewise, we decide to decide to take action, to do something, based on a mysterious process that takes place in the mind that is seemingly out of our control.

And so, my take away from this is that their is no purpose to our lives other than the purpose we assign to it. We are not the author of our thoughts, beliefs and actions. Free will is an illusion. Our true "purpose" is merely the culmination of all the thoughts and actions that we experience in our lifetime.